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A friend who helps a friend in need is a friend indeed. But unfortunately not all our friends are well meaning, some in fact may even be toxic and not invested in your best interests. How can you tell if someone is supportive or may in fact be a negative or disruptive influence in your life?
Here are a few things to watch out for;
1. When someone doesn’t appreciate what you do for them and always has something negative, demeaning or critical to say.
2. They don’t appreciate your dreams and goals and in fact secretly love seeing you fail. This maybe hard to spot but look out for signs of glee when you fail or envy whenever you are successful at something.
3. Your friend is somehow unable to “make” time for you but you see them hanging out with other people all the time. This simply means you aren’t worth their time and effort.
4. When you have a problem they conveniently disappear or aren’t available.
5. They have to be the centre of attention all the time and everything revolves around them but they do it so well that it appears to you that they are always having some crisis or other going on when in fact they just love the drama. (It’s important however to note here that some people maybe genuinely having difficult lives but this is very different from a drama queen type personality that attracts trouble like bees to honey)
6. They ditch you for a man at the drop of a hat. Girls night out and a hot guy comes over and flirts with the both of you, sometime during the evening they ditch you for him or any male in the room. Look out for this because they will inevitably have an excuse like you know how hard it is to find a good man these days or how else am I supposed to meet a man. Don’t buy it.
7. Your friend always seems to have the dirt on everyone else and doesn’t hesitate to share it with you. This also means that you could just as easily be the topic when you’re out of the room. Everyone is fair game for this type of friend who simple will not and cannot keep a secret especially when they deem it “juicy”.
8. They don’t have a problem dissing you, your outfit or body shaming you whenever they like, this can be covert or subtle but watch out for backhanded compliments as well, a compliment like “you wear your weight so well” isn’t really a compliment at all and shouldn’t even be in the equation. Constructive criticism and loving your friend enough not to want them to make a fool of themselves in public is very different from the above. Make sure you aren’t feeling less than your best every time you’re with this person.
9. Your friend is an energy vampire. Somehow every time you’re with this person you feel so “drained”. Energy vampires drain you emotionally and prey on your kindness and compassion and very patient listening skills to their never ending stories.
10. Conversely when the table are turned, they are poor listeners. They have zero interest in listening to you or your problems. In fact you can actually see their bored expression and their eyes glazing over when you share your issues or concerns with them.