We have all been through situations where we have had to deal with people we really don’t like. It could be someone who can’t stop talking about themselves or a frenemy or some nasty person who loves pointing out your perceived failures in life.
There are people out there we have to deal with often who are completely unaware of how they come off or know it and and don’t bother and operate under a skewed sense of reality.
It’s not always possible to avoid these difficult situations and as much as we love to imagine the ground opening up and swallowing these people up there’s nothing much we can do.
There are times however when the anger or irritation builds up to such a degree that we feel like we might just self-combust.
The key to dealing with these situations is possessing self-awareness. Self-awareness is a concise knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives and desires and helps us figure out what does and does not align with our internal standards.
The goal of self-awareness is to keep you from reacting in ways that you might regret and achieve the ultimate goal of being untroubled and not allowing these people to ruffle your feathers.
When you’re dealing with a person with no integrity, it is quite normal for our defense mechanisms to be triggered. Our flight or fight response can be set off and our self awareness may fail.
One thing you can do is control how you react, respond rather than react and don’t be triggered. Accept that some people won’t treat you with respect and choose who you can count on for what you need.
Once you acknowledge and identify what you feel, whether its anger or frustration, it loses power over you. You cannot demand that the other person be nice, or kind or understanding and that knowledge helps us take the necessary steps to deal with the situation.
Remember physical exercises can also help, never underestimate the power of a deep breath or taking a walk outside to move away from a volatile situation and clear your head.
Another thing you can do is reflect more deeply than you normally would. Try and figure out what triggers you about this person, how to manage it, why do you react the way you do and what steps you can take to avoid or defuse the situation.
Also have clear boundaries, decide on what you will and will not tolerate. Write it down so that when someone pushes your buttons you know they need to remain in place. You need to be clear so you don’t cave in and hold the line.
Boundaries require endurance, and if you are with toxic people and you don’t have the strength or wherewithal to make a difference in the environment you will need to look for an alternative environment or space.