If you’ve been feeling absolutely hopeless about your marriage or thinking there is just no solution other than divorce, don’t despair just yet. Feelings like hopelessness and anger are normal when things look so bleak and there appears to be no light at the end of the tunnel.
First and foremost figure out if your marriage is worth saving, physical and emotional abuse are generally deal breakers. But if both partners realise what they can do to make things better and want to do so that’s already a good sign.
Remember to always react with empathy and understanding when dealing with your significant other. Provided your relationship isn’t toxic, trust can be rebuilt, especially if you’ve shared the same values and your respect for each other has not waned over time.
Every couple is different and so are marriages, however take heart there are indeed many issues that can be salvaged.
Some things that you can do to gather your thoughts and see if it’s worthwhile is to make a list of all the issues you both tend to argue about or that you feel are utterly hopeless. This helps you to see what and how the problem can be solved.
Secondly bring the focus back to you. When you’re angry or irritable with your partner you often shift the blame or focus on the other person but this inward shift can help you to see how you can help yourself and the situation.
This can be changing your way of thinking from I want my spouse to do the following to how can I motivate my spouse to do the following…. Or if that isn’t workable try to think of a solution for something that you don’t want to do but neither does your spouse, perhaps you can eliminate the problem by removing it or engaging someone else to do it.
Try and eliminate negative comments, criticism, blame, complaints and accusations. These will get you nowhere neither will sarcasm or snide remarks.
If an argument is erupting it, deflect it or try and discuss things calmly while avoiding flare ups.
Studies show that marriages tend to survive if the ratio of good to bad interactions hovers at five to one.
If something really peeves you express yourself constructively and make decisions together rather than unilaterally which can upset your partner. Statements like I feel or my concern is… generally go down better than finger pointing like you said or you did….
There is a triple A threat for many marriages and these are addiction, anger and adultery. If these continue unabated it may be time to walk away but before you do that see if things like counseling or rehabilitation may help depending on how chronic the situation is. A random affair though heartbreaking is very different from a serial cheater though emotionally painful, it could be something that can be worked through.
Increase positive energy by random acts of affection, a hug, a kiss, a post it note or a surprise work lunch can sometimes go a long way. Most importantly pay attention to your significant other when he or she is talking to you no matter how trivial or unimportant the topic might seem to you.
If all else fails, go back to basics, try and remember why you fell in love with this person in the first place. Sometimes remembering the good times can help you get through the worst of situations with your husband or wife.