When someone has no genuine interest in you but keeps texting you on social media with no intention of taking things forward it’s called breadcrumbing and it’s a lot more common than you might think. Have this ever felt like you’re being led on?
Breadcrumbing is manipulative and is usually when someone shows interest in subtle ways just enough to keep you hooked or hoping for something more so that the person who is on the receiving end believes he or she has a chance.
We all know what breadcrumbs are. This tactic is often use to keep someone in check without ever giving them the full loaf. It’s not a lot but enough to keep them hooked. The breadcrumbed often does not want to let her partner go.
Here are a few signs of breadcrumbing (taken from Parade magazine)
- They constantly flirt with you but won’t let you go
- They don’t seem very interested in you at all
- They phase you in and out of your life
- Conversation are always shallow and superficial
- They blow hot and cold and you never know where you stand
- You don’t know much about their life
- Constant interaction on social media but nothing much in real life
- They always bounce back when you don’t show interest in them
- You don’t feel good about yourself when you spend time with them
- None of their actions ever match their words.
How To Respond To Breadcrumbing
You may feel taken advantage of and it can be frustrating and sad. Don’t take it personally it happens to many people.
Call them out. Don’t let their behaviour continue and go unrecognized. Being passive will not help.
Set clear expectation and have boundaries. If you are looking for a committed relationship say so and walk away if the other party is not.
Remember your worth and be prepared to move on. You deserve a healthy and secure relationship.
Why do they do it
Psychologist Deepak Kashyap says, “Breadcrumbers, just like anyone else, are motivated by the desire to find the best mate possible. This desire is fueled by the illusion there are enough and better people to choose from. They are not necessarily taking the time to get to know you on a regular basis in order to figure out if a real-life commitment is to be made. This results in breadcrumbing dating where they leave a trail for you to follow while they keep bolting ahead.”
The breadcrumber also enjoys the romantic attention without having to invest anything at all in the relationship. It is definitely considered narcissistic behaviour.
According to research breadcrumbers do the deed to boost their self-esteem so that they feel loved and desired unfortunately at the expense of the victim.
If you’re just an option or only around to feed someone’s ego, walk away. Tell them you are about to move on and be ready to let go fully and for goodness sake don’t respond to the next breadcrumbing text that will very likely say they miss you otherwise the vicious cycle will just start all over again.