For those of you who are still single, the dating scene continues to be a perilous journey. There’s a new trend in the making called ghostlighting. It is both dangerous and traumatic for many single people out there so tread carefully if you are dancing on the precipice of this.
What is ghostlighting? It’s a combination of ghosting and gaslighting. Gaslighting is the deadly emotional abused or manipulation that can leave you reeling for years while we all know what ghosting is.
When it comes to ghostlighting, the objective of the perpetrator is to cut off communication with you without warning (thus the term ghosting) and then when they try and come back into your life and you confront them with their behaviour they will gaslight you and deny everything that happened. A crazy-making situation indeed, making you doubt and second-guess yourself.
Ghostlighting Techniques
One techniques that ghostlighters like to use is projection, where they turn everything back at you and become defensive.
Relationship coach John Kenny says, in an article in the Mirror that there are various things that you can look out for so as not to fall into this trap.
“They will also try to make you feel guilty, responsible or make personal attacks on you and get angry, defensive or change the subject when you question them.”
He said the clue is that they will always change their story in order to convince you that they are right. So speak up and then cut them out of your life for good. These type of people actually have a lot of baggage and have not worked out their issues.
He said that these people have a lot of unresolved stuff going on. They have reached a point in their relationship with you that they don’t know whether they can continue with you or not, need to run for the hills or have found someone else.
Kenny also added that some signs were that they will usually have a few narcissistic traits, and may even have been a love bomber before their retreat. Otherwise, they would use keep ghosting you, rather than needing to tell you that they didn’t do anything wrong and that it was all your fault.
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