A breakup is devastating and can take a lot out of a person mentally, emotionally and physically and can be the cause of a tremendous feeling of heartbreak. No matter what the reason or circumstances were for the breakup it isn’t something that is easy to get over from for most people.
Relationship and life coach John Alex Clark offers some helpful tips on how to prevent heartbreak and get over a relationship in an easier manner. One technique in particular that he advocates is something known as Pavlovian conditioning.
He says getting over a heartbreak can be a lot like quitting smoking. “When a person chooses to give up a habit like smoking, the initial few days are always the hardest to overcome. Fortunately, it gets easier with time, patience and practice.”
Since many things and activities would naturally remind you of your ex such as music, movies and even places and smells, one must practice disorienting yourself from the triggers.
“Imagine your favourite movie you had as a child, Whenever you see this movie, you experience nostalgic feelings and happy memories. Now imagine watching this film over and over again a hundred times. The pleasurable memories would diminish with each viewing, and eventually, you would get sick of it.”
So if you both used to go on a particular jogging track or trail, keep doing it by yourself and setting new goals until you are able to disassociate yourself from the past.
The discomfort lessens with each happy memory you associate with that formerly terrible location. Slowly, those nice memories replace the unpleasant ones, and you stop associating with your ex.
“Over time, you will begin to fall out of love as your mind sees fewer and fewer reasons to constantly think of them. It will begin to see that you are thinking less and less about them and so will interpret this to mean you have moved on.”
Clark said that this does not exclude the grieving process in a breakup which is natural and neccessary but it will help a person to move on faster.
“The more you brood over your suffering, the deeper you push it into your subconscious, making it harder to uproot when you’re finally ready to move on,” he said.
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The photo above is from a YouTube screen grab