If you thought that ghosting was hard, mosting is that much worse. Although dating trends for 2023 show some positives, mosting is definitely not one of them.
Managing director at engagement ring specialist Angelic Diamonds, Neil Dutta says that there is an increasing number of dating apps and social media apps that have made it easier to connect with people, however this means it’s even easier to disconnect from someone when things don’t work out.
What is mosting?
“It’s a dating or relationship behaviour where someone comes on very strong with seemingly over-the-top affection, compliments and gestures. All of this is done to quickly establish a deep level of emotional connections with their partner, hence the name.
“This isn’t to be misconstrued as positive dating behaviour, as the next stage of mosting is when the affectionate person then suddenly disappears and ghosts their partner,” he adds.
That’s when you will be left wondering how a potential significant other can possibly do such a thing.
If you feel someone is being over the top with you at a very early stage, don’t be afraid to state your terms and put your emotional needs first.
“If you find yourself dating someone who is overly keen and exhibiting mosting behaviour, then I’d recommend being upfront. Tell them that you want to take things slow and build a real connection before getting too serious. You should consider setting clear boundaries.”
Red flags for mosting (excerpt taken from an article by Danielle Valente)
- They are overly affectionate to the point that you feel uneasy
- Their actions make third parties notice what they are doing
- They make big statements but have very little follow through
- They ghost you and then reappear to rinse and repeat their behaviour
The journalist who coined the phrase is Tracy Moore and she did so in an article for MEL Magazine.
“Mosting is ghosting but where before you ghost, you completely love bomb the person with praise, compliments and faux perfect soulmate-type stuff. It’s so over the top. The ghosting is much more confusing and painful, because this wasn’t just a ‘meh’ date that you could take or leave. This person really made you feel like you had a rare connection in a sea of duds.”
According to an article in HuffPost, Moore came up with the phrase after reading a New York Times Modern Love essay by Gabrielle Ulubay, a writer who was ghosted after a night and morning of amazing sex with a guy who seemed totally into her. The man called Ulubay the full package and the girl of his dreams and marveled at the fact that they’d met on Tinder. He left in the late afternoon and then she never heard from him again.
Although the author merely said she was disappointed but then Moore realised that many women have had dates like this. “Guys who act just gobsmacked to be with you then you never speak again.”
Counselor and author of Breaking Up and Bouncing Back: Moving On to Create a Love Life You Deserve, Samantha Burns says that people with avoidant attachment style do this on purpose. “There are people who self-sabotage a relationship, where after a great date they don’t follow up, get back on dating apps or bail when it starts to feel to real. They tend to use emotional and physical distancing strategies to keep intimacy at bay.”
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