In this month of celebrating love, the thought of sex always follows. Yet, while love is expressed in so many ways and acted out frequently, the same cannot be said about sex. So, how many times do couples – married or not – have sex? Can you still remember when was the last time you had sex? Or worse, can you say that sex is still present in your life? While many cannot answer these questions truthfully and with accuracy, one man can, as he plots his sexual activities with his wife on a spreadsheet.
In a Reddit group named DataIsBeautiful, an unnamed man shared his spreadsheet, tracking all of the sexual encounters between him and his wife from 2018 to 2023.
The title of the spreadsheet is “Sex with my wife from Sep 2018 to Jan 2023.”
The spreadsheet creator is extremely thorough as he took the effort to label each encounter and these were color-coded:
Green = 1 time/day
Yellow = 2 times/day
Orange = 3 times/day
Red = 4 times/day
Based on the spreadsheet he has created, it can be gleaned that in 2019, they did it 30 times; in 2020, 64 times; in 2021, the couple had sex 27 times; in 2022, they were more active as they did it 52 times; and currently (as of January 2023), they “pampered’ themselves 7 times.
The data showed that they were very active in 2020, so perhaps, it was because of the pandemic. Then the couple’s erotic activities plateaued in 2021 since they did it 27 times only. Notably, their libido rose again in 2022 with 52 sex encounters.
There was no mention of why this man tracked his sexual encounters with his wife. Whatever reason he had for doing it can only be speculated.
One thing is sure though, this man is conscious not just about his intimate relationship with his wife, but he’s also cognizant about his and his partner’s sexuality.
However, the frequency of his sexual bouts with his wife should not be taken as “gospel truth” as to how many times a couple must have sex. Each one’s sexuality is unique, thus, sexual activities must be based solely on that and not on any standards that society may find acceptable.
How much and how many times?
But the question remains — how much sex should couples be having? Research has shown that couples who have sex at least once a week are happier than their less-sexed counterparts.
Once a week is a common baseline, experts say. That statistic depends slightly on age: 40- and 50-year-olds tend to fall around that baseline, while 20- to 30-year-olds tend to average around twice a week.
Dr. Peter Kanaris, a clinical psychologist, and sex therapist based in Smithtown, New York, cautions that couples shouldn’t rely on the average as a metric for their own sex lives.
“What’s actually more important than for couples to get caught up in some statistical norm to match themselves to that is to look at this from a perspective of sexual satisfaction….. If a couple is sexually satisfied, then that’s the goal.”
Christine Lozano, a licensed marriage, family, and sex addiction therapist agrees. She says that “While there can be ‘too little or ‘too much sex,’ it really is subjective and dependent on the couple.”
“Some people will still feel satisfied even if they don’t have sex for months. Instead of looking for a non-existent rule about how much sex you should be having, you need to focus on your sexual relationship and what it means to both of you, Lozano emphasized.
With NO SEX, is the marriage in trouble?
Most sex therapists agree that having sex less than 10 times a year is reason enough to label your marriage as “sexless.” However, a lack of sex does not mean your marriage is in trouble. While sex may be the way couples typically express their love and desire for each other, a lack of sex doesn’t necessarily mean that you are headed for a break-up, though it is something that you should get a handle on. Dr. Ian Kerner says, “Sex seems to be rapidly falling to the bottom of America’s to-do list; but, in my experience, when couples stop having sex their relationships become vulnerable to anger, detachment, infidelity and, ultimately, divorce. I believe that sex matters: It’s the glue that keeps us together and, without it, couples become ‘good friends’ at best, or ‘bickering roommates’ at worst.”
Should sex be on your Google calendar?
Plotting sex on your Google calendars does not sound ‘spontaneous’ or sexy, but if you have a business trip to think about, young kids to send to and fetch from school, or other obligations, spontaneity might not be in your stock of TTDs. After all, you do not extemporaneously eat, drink or go to a party, so you cannot expect sex to be entirely spontaneous either.
Nonetheless, it would worth it to covertly schedule a date night or astonish your partner one night a week with some ‘alone time,’ and see where that night takes you. This will guarantee that sex is not totally expected and inspires you to share in the task of initiating sex so that the responsibility does not fall on one party only.
The sex may not be entirely a spur-of-the-moment thing but it will be more daring than simply assigning Fridays or Saturdays as a repetitive night for sex.
Remember always —The only correct barometer of your sex life’s level of satisfaction is your own. Communicating with your partner is key.
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