In the quest for love and companionship, many of us dream of finding that special someone with whom we can share our lives. But as the saying goes, love doesn’t pay the bills. When it comes to settling down, compatibility in money matters can be the secret ingredient to a lasting relationship.
Money matters, with their emotional undercurrents and aspirational echoes, often play a pivotal role in the harmony of a partnership. The 2024 Fidelity Investments Couples and Money study revealed that nearly half of all couples engage in at least occasional squabbles over finances.
How to inquire on money matters
While it’s unrealistic to expect a relationship without arguments about money matters, proactive communication can significantly mitigate the frequency and intensity of such disputes. Matt Watson, the founder of Origin Financial, a cutting-edge financial conversation and money management app, has crafted a set of questions designed to open the channels of financial discourse from the very first encounter.
Childhood money story
The first question invites a peek into the past, seeking to understand the formative financial experiences that have shaped your date’s current habits and attitudes. Did their upbringing foster a sense of financial security or stress? Were they privy to discussions about money, or was it a taboo subject? This question is a gentle probe into the roots of their financial psyche.
Current money mindset
Following the thread of conversation, the next question delves into the present, exploring how your date currently relates to money. Is it a source of joy, anxiety, or indifference? This is an opportunity to share and understand values, to discover what motivates and influences their life and career choices.
The salary secret
While it may seem a tad forward, knowing your date’s income level can be crucial, especially if you’re envisioning a future together. This information can help you assess whether your combined earnings could support your shared goals, such as homeownership or starting a family. However, Watson cautions against bluntness, suggesting instead a more organic approach that begins with sharing your own professional and financial journey.
Earnings aspirations
Finally, the conversation turns to the future. What is your date’s career ambitions and financial goals? This question is not just about numbers; it’s about understanding each other’s long-term motivations and whether they align with your own.
Storytelling on money matters
Erika Wasserman, a certified financial therapist and creator of the “Let’s Talk Finances, Couples Edition” conversation cards, emphasizes the importance of tact and storytelling in these discussions. She suggests weaving financial inquiries into everyday conversations, such as discussing menu options at a restaurant to explore each other’s spending habits and attitudes.
Wasserman also advises listening for key words that may reveal underlying financial anxieties or attitudes. The use of absolutes like “never” or “always” in a negative financial context could indicate a lack of control over one’s financial destiny.
Romantic match and financial equal
As the relationship progresses, the importance of ongoing financial dialogue cannot be overstated. Money will always be a part of life’s tapestry, and open communication is the key to navigating its complexities together.
Finding a partner who is not only a romantic match but also a financial counterpart can be the foundation of a stable and happy union. By initiating these conversations early and with empathy, you can build a relationship that thrives both in love and in wealth.
Source: Four Money Questions to Ask on the First Date
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