Poor Donald Trump. He can’t even wave without gimlet-eyed netizens asking if the red spots on his right hand are syphilis symptoms.
Late-night TV show host and comedian Jimmy Kimmel took up the question on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
“Donald Trump has had to deal with a viral moment that was embarrassing even for him,” he said.
“Look closely”, he said, zooming into a photo of Trump waving – “you can see red spots on his hand, which many people noted is a common symptom of syphilis, which could mean Trump has syphilis, or syphilis has Donald Trump,” getting off his first wisecrack.
The wisecracks got wilder from there.
Trump’s ‘personal Vietnam’
“You know, Trump famously said in an interview in the 90s when he was single that avoiding STDs was his personal Vietnam. But if he has syphilis, that would mean the only Vietnam he avoided was Vietnam,” Kilmer said to hoots of laughter.
It’s true: Trump didn’t have to serve in the Vietnam war. He received deferments as a student and was later declared medically unfit to serve except “in time of national emergency”, reported ABC News in 2011.
Not done with the jokes, Kimmel continued: “It is possible that Trump has a condition called neurosyphilis, and while I am not a doctor, I thought that as a public service, it might make sense to go through the list of symptoms.”
“Beware of these telltale symptoms”, a voiceover cautioned, interspersing funny video clips of Trump with the following conditions: mood swings, memory loss, impaired judgment, confusion, delusions, delirium, psychosis and seizures.”
Then Kimmel got downright personal.
“The news is either way Melania will be fine. They [she and Trump] haven’t slept in the same bed since, uh, how old is Baron? Seventeen. Yeah, she’ll be okay.”
Punch line
And then came the punch line.
“It’s probably ketchup, you know, he probably got his hands in a container of curly fries or something,” Klimmer guessed, surmising the red spots on Trump’s hand might not be syphilis symptoms but ketchup spills after he had his favourite fries.
The soundtrack crackled with laughter.
After jumping without warning from sex to comedy, Klimmer carried on.
“Trump has been going out of his way to convince us his brain is just fine.
“The Elephant Man was in New Hampshire last night again, bragging about the results of that cognitive test he claims he aced in the summer of 2020.”
Instead of ridiculing Biden’s cognitive abilities, Trump should take a test with the president, Klimmer said.
“Let’s skip these debates and turn it into a game show,” he quipped.
Laughter filled the soundtrack.
Democracy is safe in America.
There is no gag order on gags.